FUNNIEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER!

 

Dear Wife:

 

I'm writing you this letter to tell you

that I'm leaving you

forever. I've been a good man to you for

seven years and I have nothing to show

for it.

 

These last two weeks have been hell.

Your boss called to tell me that you

quit your job today and that was the

last straw.

 

Last week, you came home and didn't even

notice that I had a new haircut, had

cooked your favorite meal and even wore

a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate

in two minutes, and went straight to

sleep after watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore;

you don't want sex or anything that

connects us as husband and wife.

 

Either you're cheating on me or you

don't love me anymore; whatever the

case, I'm gone.

 

Your EX-Husband

 

 

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER

and I are moving awa y

to West Virginia together! Have a great

life!

 

 

Dear Ex-Husband -

 

Nothing has made my day more than

receiving your letter. It's

true that you and I have been married

for seven years, although a good man is

a far cry from what you've been.

 

I watch my soaps so much because they

drown out your constant whining and

griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

 

I DID notice when you got a hair cut

last week, but the first thing that came

to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'

Since my mother raised me not to say

anything if you can't say something

nice, I didn't comment.

 

And when you cooked my favorite meal,

you must have gotten me confused with MY

SISTER, because I stopped eating pork

seven years ago.

 

About those new silk boxers: I turned

away from you because the

$49.99 price tag was still on them, and

I prayed that it was a

coincidence that my sister had just

borrowed fifty dollars from me

that morning.

 

After all of this, I still loved you and

felt that we could work it out. So when

I hit the lotto for ten million dollars,

I quit my job and bought us two tickets

to Jamaica. But when I got home you were

gone. Everything happens for a reason, I

guess.

 

I hope you have the fulfilling life you

always wanted. My lawyer said that the

letter you wrote ensures you won't get a

dime from me. So take care.

 

 

Signed,

 

Your Ex-Wife, Rich and Free!

 

 

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you

this, but my sister Carla

was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.